First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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