I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
