I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
