I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
