I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
