Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
