I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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