I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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