community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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