Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we made out on top of his cat.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
