this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
