based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
