Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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