alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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