So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
