I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
