My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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