Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
