You just made me feel so damn special
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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