I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
