Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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