I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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