are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
