I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
MIDGETS
????
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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