I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
