I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My feet surprised me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
