i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
