remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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