i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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