Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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