I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
