A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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