Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my being single is dangerous.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
