Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
