honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
