How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
