I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
