I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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