I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
