Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
