i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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