the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You've changed since you got that strap on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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