I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
