Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
