Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
