Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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