I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So many bounce houses so little time
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
