if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
