just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
