I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
