Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
