I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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