i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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